{"id":1077,"date":"2013-04-27T21:23:00","date_gmt":"2013-04-27T18:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/?p=1077"},"modified":"2013-04-27T21:23:00","modified_gmt":"2013-04-27T18:23:00","slug":"trust-me-im-enigineer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/en\/2013\/04\/trust-me-im-enigineer.html","title":{"rendered":"Trust me. I’m an enigineer."},"content":{"rendered":"

Actual logs between pilots and maintenance engineers.
\n<\/span>
\n(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
\n(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers or ground crew.)<\/span>
\n
\nP: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
\nS: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.<\/p>\n

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
\nS: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.<\/p>\n

P: The autopilot doesn’t.
\nS: IT DOES NOW.<\/p>\n

P: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
\nS: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.<\/p>\n

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
\nS: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.<\/p>\n

P: Something loose in cockpit.
\nS: Something tightened in cockpit.<\/p>\n

P: Pilot’s clock inoperative.
\nS: Wound clock.<\/p>\n

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
\nS: Live bugs on back-order.<\/p>\n

P: 3 roaches in cabin.
\nS: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.<\/p>\n

P: Mouse in cockpit.
\nS: Cat installed.<\/p>\n

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
\nS: Evidence removed.<\/p>\n

P: Number 3 engine missing.
\nS: Engine found on right wing after brief search.<\/p>\n

P: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
\nS: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar. <\/p>\n

P: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer.
\nS: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine. <\/p>\n

P: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
\nS: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.<\/p>\n

P: Whining sound heard on #2 engine shutdown.
\nS: Pilot removed from aircraft.<\/p>\n

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
\nS: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.<\/p>\n

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
\nS: Took hammer away from midget.<\/p>\n

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
\nS: DME volume set to more believable level.<\/p>\n

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
\nS: That’s what they’re there for.<\/p>\n

P: IFF inoperative.
\nS: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.<\/p>\n

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
\nS: Suspect you’re right.<\/p>\n

P: Funny sounds from behind instrument panel.
\nS: Installed non-funny sounds.<\/p>\n

P: Aircraft handles funny.
\nS: Aircraft warned to „straighten up, fly right, and be serious”.<\/p>\n

P: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
\nS: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.<\/p>\n

P: Turn-and-slip indicator ball stuck in centre during turns.
\nS: Congratulations. You have just made your first co-ordinated turn.<\/p>\n

P: Target radar hums.
\nS: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.<\/p>\n

P: Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.
\nS: Fresh seat cushion on order.<\/p>\n

P: Flight attendant cold at altitude.
\nS: Ground checks OK. <\/p>\n

P: Weather radar went ape!
\nS: Opened radar, let out ape, cleaned up mess.<\/p>\n

And this one from a pilot instructor who ejected from a military trainer aircraft:<\/i>
\nP: Reason for emergency eject: Landing gear would not retract
\nS: Aircraft had fixed landing gear. Aircraft written off.<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Actual logs between pilots and maintenance engineers. (P = the problem logged by the pilot.) (S = the solution and action taken by the engineers or ground crew.) P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre. P: Test…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[38],"class_list":["post-1077","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-umor-si-sarcasm","tag-glume"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1077"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1077"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1077"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mazion.org\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1077"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}